surfing the universe

20201213u Day 348: Three Ceremonies of Love

20201213u-0505-AustinTX

Check-in: I’m feeling a bit depressed now. My beloved is currently planning to come visit me and also planning to not visit me. She has apparently learned some universe surfing methods from me and I’m feeling both the excitement of anticipation of her coming and the sadness of her not coming and us not being together for the holidays and perhaps for an indefinite period. What feelings are alive for you right now? …

Forgive me if I repeat myself, both now and in the future. I experience time as flowing both ways. I sometimes notice that the thoughts and feelings I have seem to be affected by events that occur both in the past and in the future. From events in the past and future, these thoughts of three love ceremonies arise.

The first love ceremony is all about love of one’s self. In this ceremony, you invite all of your friends and family to be witness to your professions of love for your self. This ceremony will likely include elements of “coming out” – showing your true self to those you love. Everything about the ceremony and celebration is tailored to your own personality and truths. You share everything you have learned about yourself. You share both traits that you love about yourself and those that you might hate or at least have negative judgements about. You share your thoughts, feelings, emotions, desires, and fantasies. You share any current plans and goals. By the end of the ceremony, you have created a shared reality between you and your friends and family around who you are. This ceremony is one of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and being yourself in the presence of those you love.

The second love ceremony is a double ceremony that involves two people repeating the first love ceremony (which must be done first, of course 🙂 in the presence of the friends and family of both people. In this ceremony, instead of sharing everything you have learned about yourself, you share everything you have learned about another person. You share both traits you love about them and traits that you have some judgement around. You own your judgements and share how you are sometimes triggered by the other person. This ceremony can easily last twice as long as the first one since both people will be sharing. While one person is sharing, the other person is mainly listening. Depending on the two people, what is shared may be prepared and read, or may be completely in the moment. By the end of the ceremony, a shared reality among the loved ones of both people will have been created. This ceremony is about knowing another, loving another, and being yourself in the presence of another and another’s loved ones. Part of this ceremony includes a profession to explore partnership together.

The third love ceremony is also a double ceremony like the second, with friends and family of both people invited. In this ceremony, it is not so important to share things you love about the other person, as this was done in the second ceremony. Instead, the purpose of this ceremony is to share about the relationship between the two people that is being created. Both people share what they love about the relationship that they have created. They also share the challenges of the relationship. Some personal traits can be shared as reminders to help better explain the relationship. In this ceremony, both people can share simultaneously, more or less, or take turns. By the end of the ceremony, everyone has a shared reality of the relationship that has been created between the two people. This ceremony is about knowing the relationship between two people, loving this relationship, and living this relationship in the presence of others.

The first love ceremony is one that can be held at anytime after someone feels they have learned enough about themselves and feels ready to love and be one’s self in the presence of others. The second and third love ceremonies can be between any two people. It is not just reserved for those who might otherwise hold a marriage ceremony. These ceremonies can be held between two friends or two family members. They can be simple or extravagant. For the third ceremony, it is not assumed that the relationship being celebrated is “life long”. This could be the intention of both people, but it could also be the intention of both people that it not be life long.

How do you feel when thinking about these three ceremonies? What emotions arise? Do you feel like you know yourself well enough to have the first love ceremony? Do you feel ready to share who you are with those who love you? Who would you invite?

20201212S Day 347: Has it really been 150 days since I last blogged?

20201212S-2020-AustinTX

My Tarot draw tonight at my Aunt’s birthday party

Today was an early celebration of my Aunt’s 75th birthday. I cooked a frittata with onions, roasted garlic, spinach, chicken sausage, broccoli, shiitake mushrooms, cooked sweet potato, and feta. This was our breakfast, along with mimosas. Her daughter and son-in-law joined.

I then snuck in a trip to Barton Springs. The cold water and the hot sunlight combined to make a enjoyable experience. As I walked in, I remembered that I needed a mask. I had no idea where my mask was. I normally keep it in my car. I didn’t want to walk all the way back to my car and so I imagined the universe in which I forgot to put it back in my car and it was instead in the bag that I used the last time I came to Barton Springs. I unzipped the bag pocket and reached inside with about 90% confidence and found myself 10% surprised that the mask was there! I then walked back to the gate and had my temperature checked while I signed my name and phone number in case I needed to be contact traced due to any covid exposures that day. There were two cups of pens – clean and dirty. I asked if I could use one of the “dirty” pens and, after getting a “whichever you prefer” answer, I signed my name with one of the dirty pens and put it back in the dirty pen cup. There were only about 5 people swimming laps in the pool and about 30 people sun bathing. I almost didn’t go to Barton Springs because I was planning to go the next day. I just now checked the weather and tomorrow looks like rain – so I will likely not go tomorrow. That also means no ecstatic dance under the monkey tree.

Speaking of ecstatic dance under the monkey tree, there was a planned dance last wed there which only lasted a few minutes before it stopped by the police who said that a permit was needed. I had wanted to go to it, but changed my mind at the last minute. I wondered how much the future shutdown had on my feeling of my mind changing. I have been using a framework of bi-directional time in which cause and effect and proceed in both directions of time. It helps me to understand why I might decide not to go to a dance that is later canceled. Who wants to go to a dance that is canceled? Actually, I kinda wish I had gone now.

It’s been a wild 150 days since I last blogged. My experience has been one of imagining two different sets of universes continuing to collide. This is how I understand why about 25% of the U.S. population believes that Trump not only won the presidential election, but that Trump will be staying on as president for a second term.

Speaking of politics, today I had a wish that Biden (in the 75% of universes around us in which he becomes the next U.S. President) establishes the “Biden doctrine of bi-partisanship”, which becomes a doctrine for the foreseeable future. In this doctrine, Biden uses the power of the pocket veto to send a clear message that he will only sign bi-partisan legislation. Any bills arriving on his desk which are voted closely along party lines would just sit in a stack. Only bills with at least 20% or so support from the minority party would be considered. A byproduct of the Biden Doctrine would be that the centrist in each party would gain power at the expense of the extremists. A new power block would be created, which would slowly (over 50+ years or so) lead to the formation of a third “Centrist” party.

In other news, I deleted Twitter from my phone a couple days ago. This was surprising easy to do and definitely life changing – having an immediate effect reducing the amount of time I spend on my phone. While I did compensate a bit by surfing on Facebook instead, Facebook has never really grabbed my attention and so I’m now in a space where I have extra time. I credit the deletion of Twitter for having time and energy to begin writing blog posts again.

The Tarot card reading that I received tonight also motivated me, along with a text from J about the Geminid meteor shower tomorrow night on the date of the new moon. Now I just need a dark place from which to view it!

20200715W Day 197: Soulmates – Sensual, Emotional, Intellectual, Sexual, and Spiritual

20200715W-0915-AustinTX

I’m still on a high from a sweet, impromptu dinner party last night with a friend and her daughter that I haven’t seen or connected with since before the pandemic. I decided to text her yesterday and she video called me right back, which led to a dinner at my place with my Aunt also. As she came to the door, I pondered inviting her in only for a split second as I felt the energy in my body. My brain quickly did a calculation from my energy that this was a “four 9” interaction, meaning that 99.99% chance all would be ok and no coronaviruses would be spreading around in my house. She asked if I wanted a hug, and consistent with the odds, I gave her a nice long hug.

We then went to the pool and swam and talked. I shared some of the thoughts on long-term relationships that have been swirling around my brain lately. As I shared with her, I now share with you…

Many people often talk about finding their soulmate, which is often described as someone with whom they want to spend the rest of their life, and beyond. Those who have found their soulmate are envied by many who have not. One’s soulmate is assumed to be very rare with some people believing that each person has only one soulmate for them. Others believe perhaps there are only a handful of soulmates on the Earth for them. On the other extreme are people who believe in an unlimited number of soulmates, and also people who disbelieve in the very concept of a soulmate.

To investigate the question of soulmates, I thought it would be helpful to dig into the different ways in which people feel a “soulmate” type of connection.

Sensual Soulmates – Two people can have an attraction to one another that occurs purely through their senses. Often, but not always, the first sense by which we know someone is through sight. We see them in person, or a video, or even a photo, and feel an immediate attraction. When we see them move, our eyes follow their movement. A second common sense we use to detect our sensual soulmate is smell. How someone smells to us affects how physical close we want to be with them. Related to smell is taste. While we don’t often going around tasting our friends, tasting our sexual partners does occur. Taste for friends would often be limited to sweet kisses on the mouth or cheek. Taste for lovers would include full body kisses. The fourth sense is audial. Hearing someone’s voice or their laugh can either annoy or entice us. And finally, the sense of touch is very important. This includes cuddling, holding hands, stroking each other’s bodies, running fingers through hair, and feeling the energy of someone while in close contact. The degree to which two people or sensual soulmates is determined by the degree that two people have a high compatibility with each of these five senses.
Emotional Soulmates – When two people feel the freedom to share the fullness of their emotional expressions with each other, without judgement or constraint, then this is an indication that they are strong emotional soulmates.
Intellectual Soulmates – When two people get excited by the intellectual workings of each other’s mind, then this is an indication that they are strong intellectual soulmates.
Sexual Soulmates – When two people dance well together, enjoy each other’s flirting, are aroused by sexual stories, fantasies and invitations from each other, and have “best sex of my life” on a regular basis, then the degree to which these are true represents the degree to which the two people are sexual soulmates.
Spiritual Soulmates – When two people have a similar view of the world, have similar values and beliefs around higher powers beyond the material world, feel stronger in their spiritual beliefs and connected to a higher power when in the presence of each other, then the degree to which these are present presents the degree to which the two people are spiritual soulmates.

I believe most people would agree that you can strongly feel one of these different soulmate type of connections without strongly feeling all of them. I think the popular notion that soulmates are rare comes from an expectation that all of these must be mutually strong in order for two people to be “soulmates”. I prefer a more abundant definition of soulmate in which a strong soulmate has strength in any one of these different soulmate types of connection.

I think it’s important to add that even a strong soulmate connection in all five of these does not mean that two people should get married and have lots of children. A strong soulmate connection is necessary, but not sufficient, for a long-term relationship of any sort.

Update 2025-0126: If you like this post, you might also enjoy:

2025 Day 26: 19 Types of Intimacy

20200610W Day 162: Masculine and Feminine Energy

20200610W-2219-AustinTX

I was discussing masculine and feminine energy an hour ago. I received some confirmation of my belief that anyone, regardless of gender, can develop the ability to resonate with either masculine or feminine energy. I have noticed that over my life, I have sometimes resonated with more masculine energy and sometimes with more feminine energy. My experience is that I get better at resonating with the energy that I more often resonate. So, my challenge is to develop my “weaker” energy – the one that I less often resonate.

This feels similar to how I think about personality tests like the Myers-Briggs. Instead of being coded as an introvert or extrovert, I find that I get better at resonating with the energy of extrovert since that is the one I resonate with more often. However, when I challenge myself to be an introvert, I feel like I get better at resonating with introvert energy. In this way, I can avoid being drained in situations regardless whether I am being extroverted or introverted.

I sense that I come back to this post one day and make a list of masculine and feminine characteristics.

20200609T Day 161: Running toward a New Universe

20200609T-0903 Austin, TX

Some half-n-half borrowed from my Aunt, coincidentally in a “Pacific Coast” Pistachio Gelato container – Austin, Texas – June 9th, 2020

I woke up around 0730 this morning and the headache I had when I went to bed last night was gone, thankfully. I pondered pumping up the mostly flat back bike tire on the Schwinn bike that I purchased at a Riverside pawn shop last year. I remember that I bought it at the encouragement of a homeless guy who I had helped to pay off his pawnshop loan so he could get his guitar back. I had met the him while I was running underneath one of the bridges on the riverwalk and he was playing music with his other guitar. I also pondered swimming in the pool as I haven’t done that in a long time.

But the weather was overcast and perfect for running, so I ran out my back door and down the street to the local park. If I remember correctly, it’s about 2 miles from my door and back. I ran it slow and didn’t keep time. My goal was to just run it. I don’t have an Apple Watch anymore to time it because I gave that to my Aunt before my pandemic wormhole travels.

I now have showered and made a cup of coffee – not too strong – with some cacao, coconut oil, and a bit of creamer that my Aunt gave me before I had a chance to go to Whole Foods and buy groceries. I have also made a juice drink, mixing orange and tart cherry juice with some Q Tonic water, and some dried blueberries thrown in.

I remember spending my 50th birthday with the intention of doing things that I would be happy to do every day of my life. Not that I would necessarily do all of those things every day, but if any one of them became a habit that I couldn’t break, that I would be more than fine with that. When I woke up this morning, I felt a bit of that same spirit. With this intention, the details of the activity are not as important as the impact on my body, mind, spirit and soul. So, it doesn’t matter really whether I run, bike, swim, practice yoga, etc. It also doesn’t matter whether I drink hot coffee, tea, cacao, or lemon/ginger water. And the time that I do each activity can vary depending on my mood or schedule. OK, I think that gives me enough wiggle-room to not get confined into a box.

As I check twitter, I’m realizing that there is a more difficult part of this intention, which is to “only” do things that I would be happy doing every day. So, would I be happy checking twitter (or facebook, etc.) every day for the rest of my life? No, that sounds like a kind of time-out punishment. I imagine that many other people feel the same and yet we all also spend time doing activities that if we had to do them every day, it would be disheartening.

20200609T-1433: I’m cleaning up browser tabs and found this article comparing the 1918 and 2009 flu pandemics with this interesting quote involving research paper-1 and paper-2. The papers cause me to be concerned that we are possibly harming our children by keeping them from being infected by SARS-CoV-2 now. While society may benefit by school being closed, the children may be paying the price later in life when SARS-CoV-2 comes back to haunt them.

Structural similarities between the pandemic flu viruses of 1918 and 2009 may explain older adults’ apparent immunity to the newer virus, two scientific teams report today in two journals. Their results may also explain how pandemic viruses evolve into seasonal viruses, and could point the way toward development of future pandemic vaccines.
Article by Maryn McKenna – Mar 24, 2010

20200609T-1600: I got distracted by another browser tab on the fine structure constant trying to validate the iteration equation found in this Oct. 4, 2004 posting by Hans de Vries.