Category: Personal

20210903F Day 612: Depletion, Tears, Rebirth, and 2.49 mile run

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Dog Beach Rebels at Flamingo Cantina, September 3, 2021, Austin, Texas

Yesterday, a couple of my friends, A&Z, and I celebrated a birthday. We shopped, ate, danced, and satisfied our sweet tooth craving with some ice creme on Congress. We had quite a bit of fun and kept celebrating until midnight. By the end of the night, I was feeling quite depleted as I dropped them off at their car. I started crying, which is rare for me. They asked what was wrong, and I didn’t have the words. All I could gain access to was my feeling of depletion in terms of my ability to give and a strong desire to receive accompanied by a belief that A&Z were also feeling depleted and unable to give right now either. I’m not used to feeling depleted. Last night I cried myself to sleep for the first time in I don’t remember how long.

In the morning, I awoke with some clarity. During dinner, one of my friends had been talking about their recent breakup and how hard it was to not be in intimate connection with their ex-partner. I had had a similar conversation with another friend earlier in the day at Barton Springs. The energy of both of these conversations was resonating within me at the end of the night and I was subconsciously feeling my own sadness that I was no longer in communication with my ex-beloved, Yana. It required me sleeping on this to realize this in the morning. I never really grieved the end of my relationship with Yana, although she has been on my mind the last 3 months that we have been out of connection. It felt like last night I was able to grieve, and also able to feel deeply my sadness and express these emotions. While difficult for me, I welcomed my tears.

This morning, I felt gratitude, strength, and optimism that I now have an enhanced ability to feel and express my emotions, especially ones of sadness which I have tended to avoid in the past. I felt reborn. I wondered what else might be different in this new universe in which I awoke. I decided to run for the 5th time since I started running again. My first run, I had run 2 miles in 20 minutes. My best run so far was my 3rd run at 2.31 miles in 20 minutes and 20 seconds. This morning, I shattered that record and ran 2.49 miles in 20:22. I’ve set a horizon goal of running 3 miles in 20:20, which is my lifetime fastest time that I ran in 1980.

20210828S Day 606: An evening of synchronicities

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Last night was a reminder to trust the universe. During the afternoon, I co-working at OPA’s with Z. We took some photos of a kitten there.

Kitten at OPA’s Coffee and Wine, August 27, 2021, Austin, TX

After Z left, I ran into my friends D&B, then ventured to silent disco on Congress and saw V and her daughter X, decided to stroll down Congress solo and caught the end of the The Blues Specialists’ set at the Continental Club. As I was leaving, D&B were there looking for some live music.

The Blues Specialists at the Continental Club, August 27, 2021, Austin, TX

We parted ways, walking different sides of Congress. I took the long way and made it into Guero’s Oak Garden just before D&B walked in.

The Jon Blondell Project, Guero’s Taco Bar, August 27, 2021, Austin, TX

I noticed a woman at Guero’s Taco Bar. She was there with her dog. We ended up sitting at the same table and started talking. Mandy & I closed down Guero’s and then also June’s afterwards. The entire evening, including meeting Mandy, would definitely fit into the category of unexpected events. If the hypothesis that events have equal amounts of connectedness to past and future holds, then the events last night are strongly connected to the future. So for both of us, in our own timelines, the events of last night will likely have significance when viewed backwards in time from our own futures. Our drink toast at June’s was to Mandy’s hopefully successful closing on her condo. It felt to me like we were toasting a future that had already occurred.

Yesterday, I also randomly noticed (via social media) that my friend Cindy, who I had met in Santa Cruz a few years, was in town. I messaged her and we may meet up today. I’m noticing that universes in which Yana and I are still together are nearby. My friend Katie told me earlier today that she had left a sweet message with Yana yesterday inviting her to move in with her. It’s a just over 3 months since Yana and I have spoken and I miss her dearly.

20210124u Day 390: Personal Observations

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I wasn’t planning to write today. Something seems to be bubbling up and I’m not sure what it is. I hope that by writing my thoughts down now, whatever it is will reveal itself.

I just got off the phone with my beloved. We had a somewhat heated discussion about white privilege due to my not accepting my beloved’s belief in the importance that white privilege has played in benefiting me throughout my life. We found common ground in agreeing that racism exists in the world and the world would be better if it did not. We also agreed that many white people have benefited from white privilege. We also agreed that I have also benefited from white privilege. However, we disagreed as to the extent that white privilege played a role. I believe that the vast majority of my personal achievements would have been possible regardless of my race or skin color. I even believe that there’s a chance I may have benefited additionally as a minority due to affirmative action programs in existence during my education and early career. As I type this however, I’m becoming aware of certain times in which I felt “blessed”, or lucky, and I’m wondering now if my luck was due to the color of my skin, or my race, or being male, or some other discriminatory factor. I have to admit that there were times in my life that I have received large benefits and have not really been able to logically explain or understand from where these benefits came. I can accept the possibility that white privilege, male privilege, religious privilege, or some other privilege was a larger factor than I have previously believed.

Before my heated discussion, I watched a few videos – a press briefing from the new white house administration, and a couple videos on financial bubbles forming due to the easy money flowing through the system in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. I was pleased to hear Dr. Fauci present a reality that felt in alignment with the reality I believe to be true. I especially liked when he answered a question by saying he didn’t know the answer and that the Biden administration was adopting a policy of only answering questions for which there is a known answer – not making something up on the spot just to have an answer. For the financial videos, I was glad to see Dr. Ron Paul doing well on Kitco news and still promoting liberty, reduced government and sound monetary policy. I’m attracted to him because he does not pledge allegiance to either political party and has a consistent set of beliefs. I don’t agree with all of his beliefs, but at least I can follow his logic when he explains why he holds them. One of the other videos was an interview by Bloomberg news of an individual who seemed to be reading a prepared statement warning Robinhoodlers and Stonks purchasers that one day the FED will not come to their rescue.

Also, today, like every day this year, I had a conversation with my Aunt who is on the board of directors of my condo HOA. At the end of 2020, like a final kick in the ass, our HOA found out that our management company had been stealing our money for the last 5 years and that we were broke with over $30K in debt. I’m now in a universe in which I’m working full-time helping our HOA get back on it’s feet. I hope to use this full-time effort I’m putting forth to tunnel to a universe in which I’m putting in similar effort towards something meaningful AND also getting paid for it.

What are the chances? I just checked to see what was happening on Nov 1, 2016, the day that $25K was moved from the HOA money market to checking. The next day another $25K was moved and then all $50K was moved out of our control to another HOA. This was Election Day 2016! The same time period when most people around the world felt a huge shift from the normal time line to a very unexpected time line. The conclusion of this fraudulent activity ended about the same time that Trump left office. What are the chances? Synchronicity.

20201212S Day 347: Has it really been 150 days since I last blogged?

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My Tarot draw tonight at my Aunt’s birthday party

Today was an early celebration of my Aunt’s 75th birthday. I cooked a frittata with onions, roasted garlic, spinach, chicken sausage, broccoli, shiitake mushrooms, cooked sweet potato, and feta. This was our breakfast, along with mimosas. Her daughter and son-in-law joined.

I then snuck in a trip to Barton Springs. The cold water and the hot sunlight combined to make a enjoyable experience. As I walked in, I remembered that I needed a mask. I had no idea where my mask was. I normally keep it in my car. I didn’t want to walk all the way back to my car and so I imagined the universe in which I forgot to put it back in my car and it was instead in the bag that I used the last time I came to Barton Springs. I unzipped the bag pocket and reached inside with about 90% confidence and found myself 10% surprised that the mask was there! I then walked back to the gate and had my temperature checked while I signed my name and phone number in case I needed to be contact traced due to any covid exposures that day. There were two cups of pens – clean and dirty. I asked if I could use one of the “dirty” pens and, after getting a “whichever you prefer” answer, I signed my name with one of the dirty pens and put it back in the dirty pen cup. There were only about 5 people swimming laps in the pool and about 30 people sun bathing. I almost didn’t go to Barton Springs because I was planning to go the next day. I just now checked the weather and tomorrow looks like rain – so I will likely not go tomorrow. That also means no ecstatic dance under the monkey tree.

Speaking of ecstatic dance under the monkey tree, there was a planned dance last wed there which only lasted a few minutes before it stopped by the police who said that a permit was needed. I had wanted to go to it, but changed my mind at the last minute. I wondered how much the future shutdown had on my feeling of my mind changing. I have been using a framework of bi-directional time in which cause and effect and proceed in both directions of time. It helps me to understand why I might decide not to go to a dance that is later canceled. Who wants to go to a dance that is canceled? Actually, I kinda wish I had gone now.

It’s been a wild 150 days since I last blogged. My experience has been one of imagining two different sets of universes continuing to collide. This is how I understand why about 25% of the U.S. population believes that Trump not only won the presidential election, but that Trump will be staying on as president for a second term.

Speaking of politics, today I had a wish that Biden (in the 75% of universes around us in which he becomes the next U.S. President) establishes the “Biden doctrine of bi-partisanship”, which becomes a doctrine for the foreseeable future. In this doctrine, Biden uses the power of the pocket veto to send a clear message that he will only sign bi-partisan legislation. Any bills arriving on his desk which are voted closely along party lines would just sit in a stack. Only bills with at least 20% or so support from the minority party would be considered. A byproduct of the Biden Doctrine would be that the centrist in each party would gain power at the expense of the extremists. A new power block would be created, which would slowly (over 50+ years or so) lead to the formation of a third “Centrist” party.

In other news, I deleted Twitter from my phone a couple days ago. This was surprising easy to do and definitely life changing – having an immediate effect reducing the amount of time I spend on my phone. While I did compensate a bit by surfing on Facebook instead, Facebook has never really grabbed my attention and so I’m now in a space where I have extra time. I credit the deletion of Twitter for having time and energy to begin writing blog posts again.

The Tarot card reading that I received tonight also motivated me, along with a text from J about the Geminid meteor shower tomorrow night on the date of the new moon. Now I just need a dark place from which to view it!

20200715W Day 197: Soulmates – Sensual, Emotional, Intellectual, Sexual, and Spiritual

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I’m still on a high from a sweet, impromptu dinner party last night with a friend and her daughter that I haven’t seen or connected with since before the pandemic. I decided to text her yesterday and she video called me right back, which led to a dinner at my place with my Aunt also. As she came to the door, I pondered inviting her in only for a split second as I felt the energy in my body. My brain quickly did a calculation from my energy that this was a “four 9” interaction, meaning that 99.99% chance all would be ok and no coronaviruses would be spreading around in my house. She asked if I wanted a hug, and consistent with the odds, I gave her a nice long hug.

We then went to the pool and swam and talked. I shared some of the thoughts on long-term relationships that have been swirling around my brain lately. As I shared with her, I now share with you…

Many people often talk about finding their soulmate, which is often described as someone with whom they want to spend the rest of their life, and beyond. Those who have found their soulmate are envied by many who have not. One’s soulmate is assumed to be very rare with some people believing that each person has only one soulmate for them. Others believe perhaps there are only a handful of soulmates on the Earth for them. On the other extreme are people who believe in an unlimited number of soulmates, and also people who disbelieve in the very concept of a soulmate.

To investigate the question of soulmates, I thought it would be helpful to dig into the different ways in which people feel a “soulmate” type of connection.

  1. Sensual Soulmates – Two people can have an attraction to one another that occurs purely through their senses. Often, but not always, the first sense by which we know someone is through sight. We see them in person, or a video, or even a photo, and feel an immediate attraction. When we see them move, our eyes follow their movement. A second common sense we use to detect our sensual soulmate is smell. How someone smells to us affects how physical close we want to be with them. Related to smell is taste. While we don’t often going around tasting our friends, tasting our sexual partners does occur. Taste for friends would often be limited to sweet kisses on the mouth or cheek. Taste for lovers would include full body kisses. The fourth sense is audial. Hearing someone’s voice or their laugh can either annoy or entice us. And finally, the sense of touch is very important. This includes cuddling, holding hands, stroking each other’s bodies, running fingers through hair, and feeling the energy of someone while in close contact. The degree to which two people or sensual soulmates is determined by the degree that two people have a high compatibility with each of these five senses.
  2. Emotional Soulmates – When two people feel the freedom to share the fullness of their emotional expressions with each other, without judgement or constraint, then this is an indication that they are strong emotional soulmates.
  3. Intellectual Soulmates – When two people get excited by the intellectual workings of each other’s mind, then this is an indication that they are strong intellectual soulmates.
  4. Sexual Soulmates – When two people dance well together, enjoy each other’s flirting, are aroused by sexual stories, fantasies and invitations from each other, and have “best sex of my life” on a regular basis, then the degree to which these are true represents the degree to which the two people are sexual soulmates.
  5. Spiritual Soulmates – When two people have a similar view of the world, have similar values and beliefs around higher powers beyond the material world, feel stronger in their spiritual beliefs and connected to a higher power when in the presence of each other, then the degree to which these are present presents the degree to which the two people are spiritual soulmates.

I believe most people would agree that you can strongly feel one of these different soulmate type of connections without strongly feeling all of them. I think the popular notion that soulmates are rare comes from an expectation that all of these must be mutually strong in order for two people to be “soulmates”. I prefer a more abundant definition of soulmate in which a strong soulmate has strength in any one of these different soulmate types of connection.

I think it’s important to add that even a strong soulmate connection in all five of these does not mean that two people should get married and have lots of children. A strong soulmate connection is necessary, but not sufficient, for a long-term relationship of any sort.

Update 2025-0126: If you like this post, you might also enjoy:

2025 Day 26: 19 Types of Intimacy